Jillian’s Story

I vow to be one with thee…Luther Vandross

(The inscription in our wedding rings)

Jehovah Roi | The God Who Sees

 

Genesis 16 tells us about Hagar, a slave girl of Abraham who was given to him by his wife Sarah to bear him the son that she couldn’t give him. As a result, Sarah’s jealousy got the better of her and she banished Hagar and her son to the desert where she was basically left to fend for herself and her son.  But God saw her in her pain and cared for her. This a great story illustrating the faithfulness of God and how He sees you in your sorrow. I don’t know how I would have made it through the loss of the love of my life if God hadn’t walked through the grief with me. His love and faithfulness made my excruciating pain bearable.

I have learned to love Him deeper because of the love and faithfulness He showed me and continues to show me as I walk the journey of life with God alone. The closer I get to the end of my journey here on earth, the deeper my love becomes for my Savior. The anticipation to meet Him face to face is both daunting and overwhelming.

Daunting because He is God. Righteous. Holy Just. And if I had to face Him without the covering of Jesus I would be surely lost.

Overwhelming because He is God. Forgiving. Gracious. Merciful. And He provided a way for me (and you) to be accepted into Heaven through Jesus, the lover of our soul.

Describing Jesus as the lover of my soul is incredibly meaningful to me being a widow. When I lost my husband, Ed in 2007 to cancer, I felt during the first two years of grief that my heart had been literally ripped from my chest. I felt no longer whole because half of me went to heaven with my husband. Day and night I cried out to God to help me through that time.

I fell to the floor and wailed asking God why? Why did he take the only person I felt truly loved me unconditionally? Why did He leave me here alone? How am I going to go on without my husband? I had no job. No money. No car. No friends. No family. I never felt so alone and frightened in my life. But, little did I know that God had plans for me. Amazing plans. Plans that would show how much He loved me and how faithful He is.

Now, 13 years since my husband’s death, I can truly say that Jesus has now become the Love of my Life.  It has been Jesus that comforted me all these years and walked with me through the grief. He made all things new again by blessing me beyond what I ever could have imagined. He has been my provider, protector, sounding board and companion as I’ve walked solo through the remainder of my life so far. I have chosen not to look for someone to take my husband’s place. I’ve decided to leave that up to God. I believe if He wanted me to be married again, He would send that person and He has not yet chosen to do that.  He apparently has another plan for me though I’m not sure what that plan is at this point. Perhaps I’ll never know it until it happens. But He has blessed me with a flourishing business and enough income to care for myself; wonderful, beautiful friends; a lovely place to live and most of all, a deeper personal walk with Jesus. If you’re a child of God there is nothing to fear because He sees you. If you don’t have a relationship with God, it’s never too late to invite Him into your life. Click here for information on how you can have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. He loves you more than you could ever imagine.

 I heard a radio ministry program a long time ago and the host of the program said something that was really thought provoking.  He said something like this…walking with God in faith is like wearing a miners cap.  As you walk a small amount of light shines on the path before you. You don’t know what is beyond the light because it’s dark. But as you take that first step where the light shines, more of the path is revealed. And that’s how it’s been walking with God these past 13 years without my husband. One step at a time…walking where God sheds His Light.

And, so, I walk where the light shines. Currently, I believe the light is shining on a path to tell about the faithfulness of God to a widow with no children or parents.  Just a woman walking with God looking for the path with the stream of light.  Be encouraged…He will never abandon you.  Keep looking for Jesus and guard your faith in the quiet times and He will show you your path.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.

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